One of the most common challenges that clients bring into coaching work is communicating with others. Specifically, how stuck you can feel when you’ve tried everything in how you interact with someone else, and the relationship just isn’t getting any better. Leaders lose sleep over it; the stuckness camping out in their heads every day, pushing them to avoid conversation with the people they don’t connect with well. In teams it creates tension and tiptoeing, slowing the team down like sand in the gears.
Ultimately, you’re trying to reach someone else and communicate differently, and it’s not working.
What’s worth experimenting with? Here are 3 prompts to reflect on…
- “What are you willing to say?” – Many times the thing we really really want to say, we inflate and disguise it with other words. If you really want to say, “Would you help me be better?”, try to get yourself there, even mentally. You might be surprised how staying with your core, humble need can bring the clearest moments with someone else.
- “What are you protecting?” – Our status or sense of achievement can be something we’ve built up over years of working hard, and when we have something so valuable feel threatened, we’ll resist anyone who comes at it. Try asking yourself this question if you’re feeling stuck with someone. You might be protecting something that’s not actually threatened, or you’ll have new eyes on something that’s been hidden for you.
- “What do you need to give up?” – Would negotiating with this person bring something different? What’s something you can give a little or give up entirely? Control? Perfection? Your ideas? You might be holding on to something so relationally expensive that it costs you a relationship you’ve always wanted to be better.
Notice that all 3 prompts have the word “you” in them. 🙂 I know, I know, it might feel like this shouldn’t be about you, but you’re the only thing you can change.
Working on yourself always helps when you’re stuck, if you’re willing.
Here are a few resources worth checking out:
1 // Ineffective communication puts “sand in the gears”, creates organizational debt, and kills teams. This article talks about 4 things that keep the debt growing. (5 min read)
2 // Want to learn to let go? Here are 5 big areas to learn from. (5 min read)
3 // “Don’t make it ‘me against them’.” Plus 6 other helpful tips to navigate what feels like a conflict. (8 min read)
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