You see someone struggling and say, “that’s OK, let me take care of it.”
Someone from your team is presenting at a meeting full of tension and you jump in, “what they meant to say was…”
You’re in a one-on-one with a team member, they’re frustrated and struggling, and you give them advice that seems simple and easy, “I think you should <simple action>…”
You might have experienced this personally – or accidentally and unconsciously did this to someone else. This happens all the time, with the best intentions behind it.
This is the leader as The Rescuer.
This type of leader might have grown up around caretakers and loves being hospitable. They might have been rewarded for how they supported someone else in the past in a perfect way. But this leader, despite the good they’re hoping to do, is projecting something towards the person they’re helping, that goes against what they hope to do.
They’re projecting an assumption.
An assumption that the other person may not be capable of handling that thing, that moment, that challenge. And this assumption takes away ability, talent, and power from that person. Almost all the time, the assumption is unintentional and accidental.
What’s a leader to do when they realize they’ve been doing this? 3 things to try…
1 // Reflect on what might be causing you to jump in and “help”. (Often it’s rooted in our discomfort.)
2 // Ask more questions in moments of your usual “rescue missions”. Find out what might be going on for them. They might be just fine and don’t really need you.
3 // Commit to a few more seconds of pause. Giving something a little more time can be transformational in understanding how we can truly help, even though it might be uncomfortable.
I’ve had rescuing tendencies for as long as I can remember, I’m on the watch for myself. What I wonder for you as a leader: how can you coach more and rescue less?
If you’re interested in snuffing out Accidental Diminishing from your leadership style, including The Rescuer, this 10-week course I deliver is one of the best ways to learn how to do it.
Where can you rescue less this week?
Here are a few resources worth checking out, that I’ve been sharing with clients lately:
1 // You’re doing better than you think. (3 min read)
2 // If stress isn’t good or bad, then how hard should I push myself? (5 min read)
3 // How to stop stalling and start by starting. (35 min podcast)
What’s a challenge you’re faced with right now? What if 25 minutes together could bring out a new insight?
