No one likes to feel exposed. So they add cover, they add armor.

No one likes to be sold a fake, of anything – especially when you’re hoping for the real deal.

Have you ever felt like a fake, as a leader? Or you’ve put on armor to not reveal “the real deal”?

Feeling the need to conform or comply to a mold, or being pressured to mimic someone who’s not any version of you can be paralyzing.

“What do I do? I have to be who they want me to be.”

The teller.

The knower.

The agitator.

The doer.

The winner.

So then, what can you do? Here are a few thoughts:

• We need the real you. The authentic you that has concerns, and fears, and hopes. If all leaders followed the same script, there would be no diversity, innovation, or inspiration anywhere.
• The real you means we’re hoping to see how you’re different in your thinking, your presence, and your attitude. We don’t want to be sold one thing and then realize you’re not like that at all, especially when there’s tension.
• The real you doesn’t mean you have to play loud or be an unrestrained emotional fountain – because that usually doesn’t go well – but you don’t need to play quiet or soft all the time. Share what you think. Share a laugh. Share an observation. All in a way that feels right for you.

Easier said than done, I know. But revealing the real you, in small, practiced pieces, can lead to you accepting yourself for all that you are and what you bring as a leader. You’re not for everyone, because that’s impossible.

Here are some reflective questions that will help with your shift to the real deal, the authentic you:

1. Does my current belief in myself stem from something in the past? How can I let go of that in a small way?
2. When was the last time I showed any vulnerability in a conversation? How did that go?
3. Who can I ask for feedback on how I show up, that I’m close to? What do they hope to see more of from me?

If you’ve struggled with showing up the way you’d like to, send me a note and tell me about what you’ve tried, and how it’s going. I’d love to hear from you.

When your “real deal” shows up more, it not only helps you accept you, but helps others to accept you too, because they’re more confident in knowing what they’re getting.

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Here are a few resources that I’ve found interesting and have been sharing lately with clients:

1 // “Does being authentic condemn you to being as you always have been? No.” (16 min video)

2 // What self-awareness really is, and how to cultivate it. (10 min read)

3 // More self-compassion can lead to more self-acceptance. (39 min podcast)