If I asked you, “Do you trust yourself?”, what would you say?

“About what?”

“Of course I do!”

In leading and teaming, the topic of trust comes up a lot. Lack of it is the silent killer of teams and when it’s present and felt, there’s not much that can stop a team that truly trusts each other. Unfortunately, some leaders struggle to make meaningful progress towards developing trust, leaving the development of it as assumed through everyday work.

We feel the effects when trust isn’t there, and it’s rarely something we look into first. After being frustrated with how difficult it is to work with someone, a leader might throw up their hands and demand a team to trust each other more. It’s why out of the 5 dysfunctions of a team, it’s the largest, and #1.

The truth about trust is that it takes intentional focus and work. And it doesn’t come from using a magical combination of words that instantly bring it.

There are two simple questions I often ask when I hear someone frustrated at working with their team – a sign that trust might be lacking:

1. “How well do you know them?”
2. “How well do they know you?”

I’m curious how this team member or leader understands their relationship with others. The second question usually comes with a pause because really, we all could be sharing more about ourselves.

When looking for trust from someone else, remember to start with trusting yourself first. Trusting to share openly about yourself, trusting that you’re worthy of sharing, trusting that someone else will be interested in knowing more about you.

You’ll be amazed at how sharing things about yourself becomes an invitation to others to share more about themselves – but it takes you going first. That first move might feel risky, but it will go a long way in building a more trusting relationship.

So we’ll end with what we started with, “Do you trust yourself?” – it’s a question that only you can feel satisfied with; you’re your own judge. It’s the work that only you can do on yourself, and that work will help you build trust everywhere else.

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Here are a few resources worth checking out, that I’ve been sharing with clients lately:

1 // “Cultivating a relationship of trust with yourself is one of the most important things you can do.” (5 min read)

2 // Don’t miss the Day 1 opportunity – it can be a great start to building trust. (7 min read)

3 // Trust is a concern between teammates, not just a leader and their team. Here are 5 things a teammate can focus on. (5 min read)